Thursday, November 24, 2005


Metaphor for a missing moment, pull me into your perfect circle
One womb, one shape, one resolve
Liberate this will, to release us all

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue
That's keeping me from killing you

And from pulling you down with me in here
I can almost hear you scream
Give me one more medicated peaceful moment
Because I don't want to feel this overwhelming hostility

I used to be good at poetry. I don't know exactly when or where but I lost it. Now, whatever semblance of poetry that makes a distinct impact to me are mostly from the songs I listen to. Perhaps there's something in the underlying melody or noise that implants the message in my head.

Orestes is a nice song. Beats me where A Perfect Circle based it on. I can relate though.

Keeping me from killing you

I'm a skeptic when it comes to this biorhythm crap. Maybe I shouldn't have downloaded the damn widget in the first place. Or asked Jio about it. It looked nice on my Konspose' but these past few days, I've been too burnt out with the monotony of everything that I've been doing - work, Warhammer, lovelife (the wracked uncertainty of it) - all of that just drained me. And yeah, the funny thing is that biorhythm widget kinda showed me it's how I was supposed to be.

Because I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility

I've always inquired about what would push people into consciously committing a criminal act. Sure as hell I don't wanna be slave to what a goddamn widget tells me, but I don't want to come in for work with a bomb strapped to a vest I'm wearing. I don't think I'd want to drag in my co-workers to my supposed criminal act. I don't think I'm a crowd person. One-on-one torture and domination would be for me. Maybe if I go at good enough, I'd make Hannibal Lecter for real. Too bad I don't have a medical degree.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Forgotten Realms

Been playing good old-fashioned tabletop pen-and-paper RPG for the past two Sundays with my old friends. A very enjoyable alternative, given the disconcerting environment the local community has been experiencing for some time now. Such rants belong to another topic on their own, one which I am too exhausted to pay attention to.

I play a cleric, with domains on Luck and Protection. Experienced d20 RPGers would know the combo with such a build. I took onb the role of support -- casting buffs and healing on my comrades while hiding behind a Sanctuary spell. All my skills and feats attribute to the role I was filling in - Endurance, Heal, Great Fortitude, Eschew Materials.

But all of that matters little. Tiny plays on high-end heroism. The rules are there but for his campaign, are a little more than guidelines. Nothing wrong with that. But to me, it is a bit lacking. Having been exposed to numbercrunching at tabletop wargames like Warhammer, Confrontation and Warmachine, where each skill and ability score point matters, I am not used to disregarding many of the technicalities.

I should have created a fighter or paladin instead, racked up on HP and Strength and started wading in on hordes upon hordes of barbarians. A cleric, sad to say, is not cut out for frontline bashing like the rest of the fighters. He can cast Prayer now, but the bonuses from the spell matters little compared to the magical enhancements the others already have from their items.

And here I was planning my character to take on the path towards divinity. Well, it won't happen being overshadowed by the carnage any of the other characters can easily deal out. And yes, the group is about heroic combat. Very little in the nitpicking as I would envision a cleric seeking such a path.

I can always charge stupidly into combat, kill off my cleric and make another one. I tried that, charging first up to meet a supposed boss. I did piddly damage. When he retaliated, I was reduced to less than a tenth of my HP. Instinctively, I casted Sanctuary. Then suddenly the boss dispelled my Sanctuary, which I observed Tiny felt a bit broken so he had to do something about. It's irritating to look at my model in the midst of combat, and not being able to be hit. DM's call I guess.

The challenge rating that I faced against, that boss, was way beyond my normal measure. It was only by sheer luck that my character still stood after that barrage.

It's starting to look like a rant. And maybe it is. I've read the 3rd edition books, and I have a grasp on how to DM a campaign. Tiny runs his differently, far from what I do. I should not compare both. I guess after reading through this entry, I should have my cleric stick to what he should be doing -- staying in the back and playing support character. This campaign's for the heroic fighters. Spiritual guides have no place in the front ranks.


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

So Many Things, So Little Time

To make a long story short, I got to do some basic plumbing work - replaced an old faucet with a new one (with a short extension no less, so that it's not parallel with the wall) and got to turn back my water to its old running glory.

It got me thinking how much work I need to make the house... liveable.

I need to sort out all the old stuff in the house. A lot are Indz' old clothes and effects. Need to buy boxes for those. A lotta boxes.

I got several black garbage bags piling up. Need to take them out at least one bag every time I actually do go home.

Then there's the junk outside -- old furniture, books, broken computer. Maybe I should just dissect the computer and use the parts inside for bits for my miniatures.

Speaking of which, there's a hella lotta minis I still have to paint, too! Not to mention Lito's Ogres!

Then I wanna learn PHP, more Flash, more design! I also wanna learn to model-paint better...



I scratched my hand while doing all that work earlier. Such small flesh wounds. Would hardly leave scars.


Painted up a Chaos Fury using that two-headed Chaos Dragon's scheme. Came out ok. But I'll fix up the details more. I noticed I'm vrey impatient with my painting. I shall curb that soon.

I need a lotta visual stimulation to make me paint. I'm pretty envious of many works online. Maybe I'll print them out and make a book. Kinda like reference or whatever.